What Is Love?

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails" (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NLT).

One of the most misunderstood concepts in Scripture is the concept of love. If you were to ask ten random individuals to define love for you, their answers would range from infatuation (a mere feeling) to sexual relations (an actual physical act). A recent online survey included the following answers to the question, "what is love?"

• sharing common interests
• attraction to another person
• an emotional bond
• thinking of someone all the time
• having an amazing time with someone
• the desire to be desired
• when someone makes your heart beat faster
• compassion for another person
• when you want what's best for someone
• trusting someone else with your life

While some of the above definitions contain an element of Truth, none of them fully describes the kind of love that God ordained and defines in His Word. C. S. Lewis, in his wonderful book, The Four Loves, defines the following four types of love:

1. Storgé (affection) - fondness through familiarity (as with family members or very close friends)
2. Philia (friendship) - a strong bond between those who share common interests or activities
3. Eros (being in love) - distinct from sexuality, an appreciation for the beloved without expectation
4. Agapé (unconditional love) - love and caring that is not dependent upon any lovable qualities possessed by the beloved and regardless of circumstances

These definitions give us a better understanding of the various kinds of love we share with others, but for a complete understanding of the true meaning of love, as defined by its Author, let's break down the Scripture passage above and see how God defines love.

Love is patient...

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines 'patient' in the following ways:

1. bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint;
2. manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain;
3. not hasty or impetuous;
4. steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.

True love is steadfast and forbears under all circumstances. It doesn't rush into things, it doesn't complain, and it remains calm in all circumstances.

Love is kind...

Kindness also includes forbearance coupled with compassion. True love demonstrates compassion and is helpful in nature.

Love does not envy...

To envy is to begrudge or resent someone for something they have that you don't have. True love never resents another person for any reason.

Love does not boast...

True love has no need to 'toot its own horn,' or to call attention to the good it accomplishes.

Love is not proud...

True love demonstrates humility. It does its work quietly and without drawing attention to itself.

Love is not rude...

True love is never discourteous or offensive, but is sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.

Love is not self-seeking...

True love is selfless, always looking out for the interest of others.

Love is not easily angered...

Because true love is patient and kind and expects nothing in return, it has no need to react even when neglected, abused, or not returned. "Love is never wasted. If it is not reciprocated, it flows back to soften and purify the heart." (author unknown)

Love keeps no record of wrongs...

It is easy to want to make mental lists of all the times when we are wronged, but doing so only hurts us. As my pastor said recently, "holding a grudge is like drinking rat poison but expecting the rat to die." True love has a short memory when it comes to being wronged.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth...

True love never wishes bad things to happen to anyone for any reason. The Truth says that we all deserve death and hell, but thanks to the sacrifice that Jesus made for us on the cross of Calvary, we don't have to suffer what we deserve. Jesus' ultimate, undeserved, but willing sacrifice for all mankind was the ultimate demonstration of true love. This is a truth we can rejoice with.

Love always protects...

True love always looks out for others' best interest and is willing to make sacrifices in order to protect them when necessary.

Love always trusts...

Trust is, unfortunately, almost a lost commodity in this day and age. True love, however, is willing to trust even when its object seems untrustworthy.

Love always hopes...

We live in a world and an age and a circumstance that sometimes seem hopeless. True love, on the other hand, always hopes in the Truth.

"So I pray that God, Who gives you hope, will keep you happy and full of peace as you believe in him. May you overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13 NLT).

Love always perseveres...

To persevere is to persist in the face of opposition, discouragement, and even seeming failure. Since God's Word states that His "plan...can be thwarted" (Job 42:2b), true love has ever incentive to persevere, no matter what.

Love never fails...

Because true love makes no conditions and expects nothing in return, there is no reason for it to ever fail. True love is eternal!
When asked by a religious expert which was the most important commandment, Jesus replied,

"37 You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments" (Matthew 22:37-40 NLT).

The Apostle Paul defined Agapé in the passage from 1 Corinthians, but Jesus' summary of the commandments tells us how to put it into action. I challenge you to examine your own definition of love and measure it against God's definition of true love.

"5 So make every effort to apply the benefits of these promises to your life. Then your faith will produce a life of moral excellence. A life of moral excellence leads to knowing God better. 6 Knowing God leads to self-control. Self-control leads to patient endurance, and patient endurance leads to godliness. 7 Godliness leads to love for other Christians, and finally you will grow to have genuine love for everyone" (2 Peter 1:5-7 NLT).

Who Is a True Christian?

It is important to note that only God can definitively determine who is His and who is not a Christian, for we judge appearances while He judges hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). That being said, I do believe that there ought to be visible evidence of Christ-likeness in the life of anyone who claims to be a Christian.

“You can detect them by the way they act, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit. You don't pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles” (Matthew 7:16 NLT).

Since so many people today, from Oprah to our president, claim to be “Christians,” I thought it judicious to list some Biblical criteria for how to identify a true follower of Christ.

• A true Christian, first and foremost, is one who has believed in and confessed publicly that Jesus is Lord!

“9 For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved” (Romans 10:9-10 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who acknowledges Jesus Christ and the only way to salvation.

“Jesus told him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who holds to the Truth in love and becomes more like Jesus Christ every day.

“Instead, we will hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church” (Ephesians 4:15 NLT).

• A true Christian is one whose attitude is the same as Jesus’.

“Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:5 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who bases what he believes, who he is, and what he does on the inerrant, infallible, and eternal Word of God.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. 17 It is God's way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do” (2 Timothy 3:16-17 NLT).

“Forever, O LORD, your word stands firm in heaven” (Psalm 119:89 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who follows God’s example in all that he does.

“Follow God's example in everything you do, because you are his dear children” (Ephesians 5:1 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who loves what God loves, hates what He hates, says only what God says, and does only what God wants.

“Jesus replied, "I assure you, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does” (John 5:19 NLT).

“But I do nothing without consulting the Father. I judge as I am told. And my judgment is absolutely just, because it is according to the will of God who sent me; it is not merely my own” (John 5:30 NLT).

• A true Christian is one whose life is controlled by the Holy Spirit of God and who exhibits the fruit of the Spirit.

“22 But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.” (Galatians 5:22 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who loves God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength.

“37 Jesus replied, ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment’” (Matthew 22:37-38 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who exemplifies Agapé love and lives out what Jesus called the 2nd greatest commandment--to love his neighbor as himself.

“A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:39 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who loves others in the same way that Jesus loves him.

“I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you” (John 15:12 NLT).

• A true Christian is a servant of God who boldly proclaims His Word persistently regardless of the time or circumstance, and who corrects, rebukes, and encourages other believers using God’s Word as his basis.

“Preach the word of God. Be persistent, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who obeys God rather than man.

“But Peter and the apostles replied, ‘We must obey God rather than human authority’” (Acts 5:29 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who obeys God and by so doing has the assurance that they belong to Him.

“And how can we be sure that we belong to him? By obeying his commandments. 4 If someone says, "I belong to God," but doesn't obey God's commandments, that person is a liar and does not live in the truth” (1 John 2:3-4 NLT).

“This is the message we have heard from the beginning: We should love one another” (1 John 3:11 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who follows the example of Christ.

“And you should follow my example, just as I follow Christ's” (1 Corinthians 11:1 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who does not copy the world’s ways, but has allowed God to change him and the way he thinks so that he always does what God wants.

“Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is” (Romans 12:2 NLT).

• A true Christian is one who hates the world and rejects what it has to offer.

“Stop loving this evil world and all that it offers you, for when you love the world, you show that you do not have the love of the Father in you” (1 John 2:15 NLT).

This is by no means a complete list, but it should help one to identify what I call the CINOs (Christians in name only) of the world. Jesus, Himself said that not everyone who claimed to belonged to Him would make it to heaven. What matters is obedience to His commands.

“21 Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as 'Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven. 22 On judgment day many will tell me, 'Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.' 23 But I will reply, 'I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized'” (Matthew 7:21-23 NIV)