The Importance of Well-Chosen Words

When I was growing up, my parents always reminded me that my words should always be chosen well because once they were out of my mouth, they could never be unspoken. To help me to choose wisely, they gave me a three-question test against which to measure any statement before I spoke it.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

The importance of choosing your words carefully is illustrated in the following parable:

A young man had spoken unkind and untrue words about several individuals over a period of time and came to realize that his words had hurt or maligned those about whom he had spoken them. Wanting to make things right, he sought the counsel of a spiritually wise man. The wise man advised the young man to go and gather a basketful of small bird feathers—one for each person he had offended with his words. The young man did as he was told and returned to the sage with his basket of feathers.

“Now,” said the wise man, “go and place a feather on the doorstep of each person you’ve offended, and then return to me for final instructions.”

Again, the young man did as he was told and then he returned to the wise man.

“Well done,” stated the wise man. “Now there is one last thing you must do. Go and retrieve every feather you have placed.”

“But, Sir,” the young man replied sorrowfully, “Surely by now the wind has carried them all away and I shall never be able to retrieve them.”
“Precisely,” the sage replied. “And so it is with the words we speak.”

The same is true for the words we write with one critical caveat—written words leave a “paper trail” that can often take on a life of its own. It is even more important that we carefully choose the words that we write down, because once they are published, they cannot be unwritten.

Below is some wisdom on words from King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived.

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4)

23From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive. 24Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.(Proverbs 16:23-24)

A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. (Proverbs 17:27)

A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook. (Proverbs 18:4)

1Don't envy evil people; don't desire their company. 2For they spend their days plotting violence, and their words are always stirring up trouble.(Proverbs 24:1-2)

The Apostle Paul also had some things to say about the words we speak.

29Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. 30And do not bring sorrow to God's Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. 32Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
(Ephesians 4:29-32)

James devoted almost an entire chapter to the subject of “taming the tongue.”

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19 )

So whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that set you free. (James 2:12)

2We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. 3We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. 5So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do. A tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life. It can turn the entire course of your life into a blazing flame of destruction, for it is set on fire by hell itself. 7People can tame all kinds of animals and birds and reptiles and fish, 8but no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil, full of deadly poison. 9Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it breaks out into curses against those who have been made in the image of God. 10And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 12Can you pick olives from a fig tree or figs from a grapevine? No, and you can't draw fresh water from a salty pool.(James 3:2-12)

Don't speak evil against each other, my dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize each other and condemn each other, then you are criticizing and condemning God's law. But you are not a judge who can decide whether the law is right or wrong. Your job is to obey it. (James 4:11)

Peter also had some things to say about why we should be careful about what we say.

For the Scriptures say, "If you want a happy life and good days, keep your tongue from speaking evil, and keep your lips from telling lies.” (1 Peter 3:10)

The most significant wisdom concerning words, however, came from the mouth of Jesus Christ.

33"A tree is identified by its fruit. Make a tree good, and its fruit will be good. Make a tree bad, and its fruit will be bad. 34You brood of snakes!How could evil men like you speak what is good and right? For whatever is in your heart determines what you say. 35A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart. 36And I tell you this, that you must give an account on judgment day of every idle word you speak. 37The words you say now reflect your fate then; either you will be justified by them or you will be condemned." (Matthew 12:33-37)

Next time you’re tempted to say something unkind about someone, remember that the old adage, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” is patently false. Words can and do hurt people. Verbal abuse can tear down and destroy an individual’s sense of self worth. As Solomon said, “A person's words can be life-giving water…” Or they can lead to death. The real significance of the words we speak, according to Jesus, is that they echo who we truly are on the inside.

“But evil words come from an evil heart and defile the person who says them.” (Matthew 15:18)

Make it your habit always to choose your words carefully so that you can speak life and peace to those around you. Then when you stand before Jesus on judgment day, you will have nothing of which to be ashamed.