Why Am I Here?

I just finished reading a very interesting and inspiring column by Gary North in “BizNetDaily”[1] about one’s calling in life. Gary’s friend, Steve Gillette, defined a calling as, “doing the most important work you can do in which you would be most difficult to replace.” Funny thing, I’ve been thinking a lot about my calling over the past few months for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that I’ve known mine since I was 28 years old, but have continually wondered if I’ve been true to it all those years since.

I also received an e-mail message from a new acquaintance and fellow blogger named Kellie. This delightful young lady had lots of interesting things to say, but one statement she made speared me right in the heart.

“I want to work with teens and help them with their problems and help them know that even though sometimes it feels like it, they’re not alone; like my youth pastor…has to me! He has helped me through so much and I absolutely adore him! He’s the reason that I want to be a youth pastor.”

Kellie reminds us how important it is that we stay true to our calling, even when we don't feel like it.

I was called into ministry when I was 28 years old, though I had been saved since I was five. I know that sounds awfully young to understand the concept of salvation, but I understood enough to know that my only two choices were to spend eternity alone or with God and all my loved ones who had given their hearts and lives to Him. Thankfully, everyone in my world at that time was saved and destined for heaven, so the choice was a no-brainer for me.

Funny thing; at age 28, I realized that though I knew that I was secure in God’s love, I had never fully understood or participated in the relationship that is Christianity. It took my pursuing my dreams and even realizing most of them, yet still feeling empty and unfulfilled to force me to confront the cause of that emptiness. One night, just after our son was born, I sat in my music room in the dark and began to ask God if this was all there was to the Christian life.

What happened next was not at all what I expected, but it was precisely what I needed, and God knew it. In the stillness and quietness of that night, God’s Holy Spirit paid me a visit and introduced Himself as the third Person of the Trinity. (Don’t worry too much if you don’t fully understand the Trinity! Just accept the fact that God exists as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—three distinct personalities in one Being.) He didn’t speak to me audibly, but He might as well have, because I heard Him just as clearly.

In a very loving and gentle yet authoritative way, God’s Spirit impressed upon my heavy heart to write down on paper all the specific unconfessed sins that I had committed in my life. Plenty of times I had asked for forgiveness for my trespasses as sins are called in “The Lord’s Prayer,” but rarely, if ever, for specific sins like lying to my parents, or cheating on a test, or indulging impure thoughts. I guess I had assumed that saying the words and wanting to mean them was enough. God’s Word, however, says otherwise. But isn’t it like a loving God to let us know when we’ve missed the mark? He had every right to open up the earth and let me drop headlong into hell at that moment, but He instead chose to convict me of my sins and give me the opportunity to come clean (and to be cleansed).

I grabbed a ream of notebook paper and a pen and started writing. The obvious sins were pretty easy to remember. I had the better part of a column filled and thought that surely I was nearing the end. My memory became sharper than it had ever been, however, and for every sin that I wrote down, ten more would pop up in my conscious mind. I wrote and wrote for what seemed to be days, and still I was remembering sins from my youth and even my childhood. I half expected the floor to open up and flames to lick my feet during this excruciating experience.

—Note to the faint of heart: Fire is necessary for purification, but God’s fire is NEVER deadly, except to sin. Keep reading and you’ll see just how loving God really is.

Eventually, I wrote the last sin that the Spirit brought to my mind and lifted my pencil. No sooner than the lead left the page, I sensed Him telling me to grab the red marker in my desk drawer and write in big, bold letters across every page, front and back, ALL FORGIVEN! I did as He instructed, and something broke inside me. It wasn’t a painful breaking like that of a limb, but like the breaking of the alabaster box that released the fragrant oil with which Jesus was anointed. As soon as I’d written on every page, I got up, took all the pages to our gas range in the kitchen and set them ablaze. As the smoke from the burning paper rose to the ceiling, the burden of all the unconfessed sins I had been carrying for all those years lifted as well. I felt like a new man.

I haven’t forgotten that I began writing about callings, but this testimony that I share with you has everything to do with my calling. In that same night, I realized, also for the first time, that God had had a plan and purpose for my life since before I was born. I had read that many times in Scripture before that night, but I guess it just hadn’t made the short journey from my head to my heart. I knew that was true, but I had never experienced it as such. In the process of being still and quiet, I had given God the opportunity to actually communicate to me what He had planned for me. When I finally was willing to listen, He was more than willing to tell me.

It was in that experience that I first felt a call to ministry. It was months later before I would know my specific calling. I believe that God will only entrust to us as much as we’re willing to use for His glory, whether it’s knowledge, wisdom, money, or whatever. I had never before really considered that God had anything in mind for me, so He patiently waited until I actually wanted to know. One reason I believe people don’t know God’s will for their lives is that they are unwilling to commit to it before they know every detail about it. There are reasons why God chooses to withhold knowledge from us. Probably the most significant is that He knows that we’re not prepared to know ALL there is to know about our future. He prepares us over time, and if we cooperate with Him, He will reveal more and more of His plan for us.

In the pursuit of my ministry calling, I sent resumes to hundreds of ministries worldwide, but received only one invitation to join a ministry in Virginia. I took a bus out to check it out for a few weeks, and when I felt that God was in it, I sent for my wife and son to join me. It was a difficult, but very necessary time for us. We lived with another couple, had no car, no salary, no insurance; none of the things most folks would consider essential, and yet not one need ever went unmet. In less than six months, however, the ministry (for various reasons) disbanded and I went to work selling stereos in the local mall.

I can honestly say, that though I was a bit baffled, this was the first, and one of the few times in my life when I actually trusted God to know what He was doing. We had rented a house next door to a very sweet Christian couple with two teenage daughters. We got to know them right away (while I was still with the ministry), and their daughters often babysat for our son, who was not quite a year old. We really enjoyed the girls and several of their friends lived on our block, so our house and yard became hangouts for the neighborhood teens.

I stated my job in the mall in November and just before Christmas, our neighbors invited us over for pie and coffee. We had a very warm and wonderful visit with them, getting to know each other better and talking about the Lord and life in general. At one point, the girls’ mother asked me directly what I felt called to do. I was taken aback by the directness and sincerity of her question. Up until that moment, I had never honestly given it much though. I pondered for a moment, and two things came to mind. I told her that I really hadn’t given it much though, but that I had two loves in life besides Jesus and my family, and those were young people and music.

She brightened up when I said that, as if she had just won the lottery. It turns out their church had been looking for a youth/music minister, but after more than a year of searching, had not yet found one. I argued that I was unqualified and inexperienced, but she persisted in getting me to agree to at least meet their pastor. I agreed, and a few days later, I drove through the snow for just over a mile from where we lived to a beautiful little church sitting back off the two-lane country road. The pastor and I met for almost four hours, enjoying some of the best Christian fellowship I can remember. Without boring you with unnecessary details, I can tell you that within another few weeks, I was called by God and a unanimous vote of the congregation to be their full-time youth and music minister.

Here are some things I have learned about one’s calling from God:

• It is irrevocable (God’s gifts and callings are without repentance.)
  
• It is usually related to one’s passion, though not always (Kellie has a passion for helping kids, so that very well could be her calling!)
  
• It usually requires one to live outside his/her comfort zone (Ministry of any type is time-consuming, strenuous, and often messy.)
  
• God almost ALWAYS calls us to tasks that are bigger than us so that He can be glorified in them rather than us. (I speak from experience when I say that there is ALWAYS a temptation to want to take credit for what only He can accomplish.)

This is, of course, NOT a definitive list. It is merely a list of some of my best observations as one who knows his calling. You experience may be different, but the Truth remains the same. Which brings me to my final point: If you really want to know and understand your calling in life, start by reading God’s Word. I believe that 99 percent of all that we need to know to be who God created us to be is in His Word. The other one percent will come precisely when needed, and not a minute before.

Have you given any thought to what your calling might be? If not, it’s never too late to consider. Start with God’s Word, then mix in your passions, your abilities, and your interests. Then offer the result to God and let Him define for you the one thing in life that will bring you all the joy, fulfillment, and sense of purpose for which ALL of us long. And once you figure it out, rejoice in the fact that you’ve found “the most important work you can do in which you would be most difficult to replace.” Celebrate your uniqueness, because only YOU can be who God designed and created you to be, and only YOU can do what He has called you to do!




[1] BizNetDaily, November 16, 2004, http://www.wnd.com/biznetdaily